this weekFirst off, My school has put me on prohbation for sucking at life. if i get it again im kicked out of school.
Second off, I have no friends. Except for like 2 but still.
The people i see at school. its only at school, outside of that who ever wants to hang out with me? one person other then that not a god damn soul. i cant say i blame them, i wouldnt want to be around me either. we talk in school, ocasionaly hang out all together and i just happen to be their, for gaming sessions and the what not. but other wise outside of one person....i am alone in myself.
Thirdly, Im single..i dont want to be but i have no choice. life gets real diffecult when your 18 and you dont drive because you know perfectly well what you will do in the car by yourself, and that would be find a fast way to get yourself killed.
Another thing. ive been getting this overly fascination with death. I want it soooo badly but i cant have it. many fators of this are people and promises.
The question is could i break them?
Its reaching a point where i dont want people in my life, im debating right now wether i should stop being a deviant, give up on all my hopless dating sites, and just become a total reclouse.
Honestly i wouldnt be much different then right now.
what does my life cconsist of?
Wake up go to school. go home with that 1 person " friend" hang out at their house for a while. go home. go to work. come home. go up to their work. see them for a while. come home sleep.
Wow. its rather sickening when you can describe your daily life stile in a few words.
So this weekend will be what. school work .sleep. im not going to spend time with my "friends" just becasue i dont think i want to, i am probably just going to sit alone by myself, while everyone else has just a fucking great time. fri i wil get to see "friend" and then they have plans to see their friends and have a life and god fucking damnit i am so sick of this shit.. i give up im done. fuck it i dont care any more i will jsut go into my point of apathy and be alone. soo yah see you all sometime that isnt this weekend.
Devious Comments
i'm sitting here trying to think of something to say, but i don't really have words. i wish i could hug you. i wish there was something i could say or do to make your pain and hurt and anger go away, but there's nothing. is there? i don't know... if there's anything i CAN do, tell me, ok? please?
i don't... i wanna be your friend. i wanna see you outside of school, hang out and do dumb shit, or whatever it is people do.
i'm gonna tell you what jenn told me when i told her my plans to hide for the weekend : "don't hide in the dark, it's bad for you." i dunno if that applies, but... hiding doesn't really help anything. at least, not the way i hide, with the crying and the bleeding and the no-food.
i'd really like to see you this weeked. you could come play d&d at nik's. maybe this time they'll actually play d&d, who knows. should be interesting, or something. i really hope i see you soon. i think i might go crazy if i don't. oh, wait, i'm already going crazy. well, that's ok then.
...
"how come you act like this//like you just don't care at all//do you expect me to believe//i was the only one to fall// // it's not supposed to feel this way//it's not supposed to hurt this way"
...i suck. whee.
...next time i see you, i'm giving you a hug, so beware. you're being hugged, though whether it's for your benefit or my own, the world may never know. like a tootsie pop, only with less tootsie and less popping. and more squishing of hugs. and now i'm talking nonsense, so it's time to be unconscious some more. ...sorry. x.x
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Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away...
"Don't tell me to go to hell when you don't know what heaven is."
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If freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will have Freedom.
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*Galerian-Anomalies
Power Cell
Live Journal
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Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
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If freedom is outlawed, only outlaws will have Freedom.
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*Galerian-Anomalies
Power Cell
Live Journal
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This pain, it will go away right?
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Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most.
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